How did I feel today…. πŸ™ˆ

Hi everyone

Well where do I bloody start originally today I felt really quite hopeful as I finally had an appointment with my physciatric doctor to get my meds looked at and hopefully changed…. well that didn’t go to fucking plan.

Honestly I just want to burst into tears as I write this because my appointment was awful when I left that room I felt worse than when I went in which I didn’t actually think was possible… oh it was!!!

I went in and usually Lee would come with me but today he couldn’t as he had to work so I went in by myself which I find hard enough anyway but then he goes on to tell me I have borderline personality disorder which I already know and that my mind works differently to others, he then go’s on to inform me I have agoraphobia and an anxiety disorder and that he won’t even look at my meds (which is why I went in the first place) that was the reason my cpn made the appointment!!

She is on Holiday so I can’t ring her anyway but it got worse. He then go’s on to tell me that the best treatment was physcology that I couldn’t cope with and was literally ready to kill myself and that I shouldn’t have quit just because it got hard.

I tried to explain that it wasn’t because it was hard it was because it made me want to kill myself but he didn’t care in the end he basically pretty much told me to just get on with it… I’m not being funny but he has no idea what it is like in my head.

I wrote notes about everything I’ve been going through and he just read the first two and that was it.

Why did I even bother asking for help when I just ended up being told to get on with it.

I just don’t what to do anymore I honestly don’t!

Then England Lost in the semi finals but I am really proud of our lads they played their arses of throughout the whole tournament.

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πŸ’‹πŸ’‹

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