When I wake up in the morning, how do I most want to feel?

Hi everyone

I would like to wake up and actually feel like I had a good night sleep and wake up feeling awake and not wake up feeling like a zombie as I barely get any sleep anyway.

Of course I would love to wake up and feel ” normal ” and not actually be scared to wake up as I have no idea what I am going to feel like when I wake up.

I’m sure your all thinking well nobody knows what they are going to feel like when they wake up you idiot women!

But when you have BPD it’s not just waking up and feeling sad it is like waking up and feeling like you wish you hadn’t woken up, wish you had died in your sleep as the feelings you feel are so intense and so scary you just feel like you can’t handle it anymore.

So yes I wish I could wake up and not dread how I am going to feel for the whole day or if I am going to feel anything. The reason why is because with my illness it is either feeling everything at once or nothing there is no inbetween and I will tell you something both feelings are equally as scary!

I really hope this makes sense as I can’t get my mind to focus so if it dosen’t I apologise!

Thanks for reading as always it means so much to me.

Please spread the word about my little blog and if you like what you read the go ahead and Subscribe to bpd_mummy_to_1 and never miss a story.

💋💋

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