So I know the stigma towards depression and anxiety has got better recently, but the stigma towards BPD has not changed or has possibly even got worse.
So I thought I would try give you all some advice on not so much how to deal with us but how to be slightly more understanding towards our illness.
So from an actual BPD sufferer these are 20 things I would suggest that you don’t say to me or to my fellow sufferers:
1. Why can’t you just control your emotions? If we could do that then we wouldn’t have been diagnosed with BPD or Emotionally unstable personality disorder as it is known by the medical professionals.
2. Why are you being so dramatic? . Trust me it upsets me so much when people say “stop being so dramatic” but the thing is I’m not being dramatic that is the intense emotion I am feeling at that time.
3.Don’t call me crazy Because this is so far from the truth. I am not crazy I feel things so intensively that sometimes I just feel that I am going to explode if I don’t let it out and sometimes it comes out at the wrong time.
4. We are not manipulative! Some BPD traits I guess seem like we are being manipulative, but they are just traits of the illness there is no actual intention to manipulate people as we don’t even know we are doing it. (If that makes sense)
5. Please don’t tell me I’m b8eing over dramatic. I understand that to a lot of people it may seem like I am being dramatic but to me that feeling is very real and to be told that I am being over dramatic just makes it 100000 times worse.
6.Don’t tell me you are going to be there for me if you know your not. I know that this sounds super needy but all I mean by this is I have a massive fear of abandonment, so I cannot handle people coming into my life just to leave as it triggers me really badly.
7. Please don’t tell me I’m too much trouble. I guess for a lot of people in my life maybe I am too much but I don’t mean to be so to be told that it really hurts.
8. You don’t look or seem like you have BPD! THIS IS ONE OF THE WORST AND MOST OFFENSIVE THINGS TO SAY TO SOMEONE WHO HAS BPD! What is someone with BPD supposed to look like?
9. Is your medication not working? Yes it probably is even though it may not look or feel like it is but that is because there is not a medication that treats BPD you can only try ease the suffering by medicating for certain traits of BPD like extreme anxiety and Depression.
10. Why are you always so negative? Because in my little BPD brain it makes me think and feel that everything is going to go wrong and not just go wrong but to feel like the worst thing that could ever happen is going to happen especially to someone I love.
11. You need to push yourself more. If you don’t see how much we actually have to push ourselves to just do the smallest of tasks well then that’s on you and not use.
12. It’s all in your mind. Yes we are aware of that as that is where our brain is you would be correct but that is all you are correct about as BPD is an illness and not an imaginary one.
13. Why do you have to overthink everything? Yes! Because I clearly do that on purpose and have the power to stop this! Oh! No wait that is what people who don’t have BPD can do!
14. Why can’t you just forget about it? Because my brain isn’t a “normal” brain. If something hurts me, upsets me or angers me that will continuously play on a loop in my mind making that emotion stronger and stronger. So if that was your brain could you forget?
15. But you was so happy a minute ago! What happened? That is one of the joys of having BPD our mood can change as quick as the British weather if not quicker.
16. Why have you got scars all over you? Or what happened there? when you know full well what happened. In my opinion you are best to not even ask if you see scars or cuts just don’t mention it unless the person suffering brings it up.
17. Why don’t you just keep the fact that you have BPD to yourself. The main reason is because if BPD is spoken about more then maybe there will be less of a Stigma and more understanding towards us and the way we sometimes act. Another reason is so if our mood suddenly changes then you know why.
18. Why are you suicidal? You have so much to live for. It may look like I have so much to live for but if you had to deal with what I have to deal with in my mind then you would probably feel the same way as I do.
19. Why are you so Lazy? Fact! It’s not laziness when you have to battle with your mind every day which is absolutely exhausting both physically and mentally.
20. I know how you feel. I understand that you may think that saying this is comforting but it is not because if you don’t suffer with BPD you will never truly understand what it feels like.
I am sure that there are more things but in my opinion I would say that these are the most triggering especially to me.
If you feel I have missed anything please leave your answer in the comments as I really want people to understand our illness.
Thank you so much for reading. This took me two days to write so any feedback would be much appreciated.
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LET’S END THIS STIGMA AGAINST BPD!