I’m not a medical professional or anything close to that I am literally just a human being who has suffered with postpartum depression and it is horrendous but I want you to know the signs so you do get hate yourself and think you are doing something wrong because it is not you it is this illness that dosen’t get spoken about enough!
So I’m going to give you five symptoms of PPD that I personally suffered with that I would say were clear signs of postpartum depression.
I want to make it clear tho that before having Milly I wasn’t exactly stable prior to having Milly but once I had Milly I went from just about dealing with life to not being able to cope with life at all.
Talking about this does upset me a little bit because I mean it is not a nice thing to talk about but it is a subject that needs to be talked about.
1. Having no bond with your child. For the first 11 months of Milly’s life we had no bond at all and this was a mutual thing I didn’t want to be around Milly and she didn’t want me at all. I took care of her basic needs but that’s as far as it went it was mainly all down to Lee. At that time I felt nothing towards her I wouldn’t have cared if anything had happened to her and I thought this was never going to change but it did after 11 months of hard work and doing baby massage our bond slowly started building but it didn’t happen over night it took probably another 6 months ontop of that 11 months to get the unbreakable bond we have now.. like I would now kill anyone who hurt my baby girl and I mean that.
2. Feeling totally overwhelmed or worthless. Of course as a new mother you naturally are going to feel overwhelmed as everything is new and you have to try raise this tiny, helpless little human but if this feeling lasts for more than two weeks and/or starts to worsen then you definitely need to speak to someone. I’m saying this because I don’t want people to have to go through these crazy and intense feelings are their fault because they aren’t. Being overwhelmed about your new baby is normal but for me this overwhelming feeling just took over my whole life and everything was just too much even simple daily tasks felt like I was being asked to move the world (if that makes sense)
3. Feeling angry or irritated or both. I used to get si angry at myself because I didn’t feel ove for my child and I knew I was supposed to but I didn’t and I hated myself for that but I also used to become irritated with Milly because whenever I would hold her or pick her up when she was crying she would either start crying or she would cry harder and would not stop until I passed her to lee or anybody to be honest as long as it wasn’t me. Now looking back it was probably because she could sence how I was feeling but when I was suffering I didn’t see it that way I just saw it as she hates me, why did she get burdened with me as her mummy and I always thought that as long as she had lee she didn’t need me and sometimes I still feel that way but that is now down to my BPD and although it’s the same thought it’s a totally different feeling.
4. Being unable to sleep. Of course with a newborn baby sleep is at a minimum anyway well depending on how well your baby sleeps like Milly slept really well but I couldn’t sleep at all because I had constant thoughts about being an unfit mummy and about everything I failed to do that day but these thoughts never stopped and then they caused me to have horrendous nightmares about terrible things happening to Milly or My family and it was all because of me . Honestly it was awful I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but if this does happen to you please, please seek help! ASAP!
5. Uncontrollably crying. This was awful it wasn’t just like crying it was living in a constant panic attack. I felt like I had no control over what was happening to me or my emotions and that was terrifying which then made it worse as I then became scared of what was happening to me.
This is not a subject that I really wanted to talk openly about but the reason I have is not just to hopefully help others but to try end this taboo against PPD because whilst there is still a stigma attached to it the less likely women who need to get help will and that needs to change.
Thanks for reading I really do hope this helps at least one person out there and encourages you to get help.
I just want to say one last thing to anyone who is currently suffering with Postpartum depression it does get better even tho right now it doesn’t feel like it ever will I promise you that in time and with the right help you will start to feel stronger and things will start to get better. Please remember that!