What made me think about this is Barbra my mum’s mum hasn’t been very well recently and as part of her care plan they asked if she would want a DNR.
I don’t know what she answered I’m presuming no but this got me thinking and although I am only 25 if someone asked me today, tommorow, next month or maybe even next year if I would want a DNR order I would say yes!
I know to a lot of people this may seem selfish but if I die I don’t want to be bought back to lige even if it was tommorow and I died in a freak accident I don’t want to be bought back to life I really don’t.
I know you are probably all thinking the worst of me right now and that’s fine but if you had to live with an illness like BPD that causes you mental torture on a daily basis and medication barely touches it and the only time it would stop was when you die, why would I want to be bought back to life for the daily mental torture to start again? I wouldn’t!
Would you? No seriously think about it. Would You?
The weird thing is I am scared of everything but I am not scared of dying. I’m not! and I guess that is because I don’t actually care if I die because at least I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore!
I’m not trying to upset anyone I am just speaking from my heart and unfortunately that is the way I feel but I keep on suffering for the sake of my loved ones.
Unless you suffer with BPD you can’t understand the mental torture it actually puts you through and that is not just you that go’s for the doctors who are supposed to be trying to help us!
So now I have got that off my chest I’m going to try get some sleep.
Thanks for reading
Love to you all