These are just two of the mental illness’s I suffer from but without Borderline personality disorder and a severe Anxiety disorder my life could be easier but then it may not be.
I guess if I didn’t suffer so badly I would be able to work which would put us in a better position financially because we really struggle and because I have to rely on Lee so much it obviously puts him under a lot of stress and worry because he never knows what he is going to come back to and I am sure that is scary for him.
I may not be as exhausted by exhausted I mean mentally exhausted because like I have said before having BPD is so exhausting because first of all you never know what emotion you are going to feel and it is always so intense which is exhausting but then I do have a very demanding nearly three year old so I am pretty sure I would still be exhausted just in a different way!
I guess I would be able to cope with things better so everything wouldn’t be so scary for me and it would probably mean I would be able to leave the house by myself which would make me less of a burden on everyone else.
I would probably have the strength to stand up for myself instead of being walked all over because I don’t want to upset anyone or the opposite I might not lash out at people and upset them for no reason.
Both these illnesses ruin my life on a daily basis but I don’t know if my life would be any better without them and I guess I will never know what it is like to live without these illness’s but that is ok because although I live in mental hell everyday I still have a super supportive boyfriend , a beautiful daughter and an amazing family and maybe if I didn’t have these horrendous illness’s I wouldn’t have that.
This is a battle I have a lot because I want to be well for Milly and everyone else but I have to accept that this is my life and wishing I was well isn’t going to change anything. It is probably just going to make me worse!
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Love to you all