As you all know… well if you follow my blog or my social media accounts you will know that my Grandma passed away recently and her funeral was last Wednesday and since then my mental health has deteriorated massively.
Yes! I do understand that grief does that but this is another level of deterioration I have literally lost myself and my mind in the space of two days after the funeral and I really don’t know what to do.
I know it is very raw at the moment and I’m sure it is not just the death of my Grandma I think that has just been a trigger to a lot of other things and deaths I have had to deal with/ or not deal with in my case.
I’m not taking anything away from death of my Grandma because that has really affected me badly but I think it has just brought back all those old feelings that I had pushed down so I didn’t have to feel them at that time and now I am experiencing them at all at once.
My mind dosen’t know what it is doing it dosen’t know whether it is coming or going. I can’t think straight, I can’t remember anything and I am becoming angry over the smallest things and that is not okay.
I either want sleep all day or be drunk and neither of those are really an option so I just have to feel like I want to die everyday but yet still fight to survive even when it is the very last thing you want to do
I have so much pressure in my head it honestly feels like it will explode at any point and a part of me wishes it would as that would be the end of all my suffering but then the other part of me wouldn’t want to put Milly, Lee or our families through what I am currently going on in my mind.
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As always I hope you are well.
Love to you all