So we have been away for the past two weeks to Disney World and then yesterday was my beautiful daughter’s 3rd birthday and if I am being honest which I always am I didn’t think I was going to see it to be honest I didn’t think I was going to see her reach 6 months nevermind 3 years so that is one big achievement!
As most of you know I suffered terribly with postnatal depression ontop of my BPD so I was in a horrendous place not an hour went by that I wasn’t thinking about commiting suicide and not ten minutes past that I didn’t think about harming myself and that was sadly my life for at least 11 months of Milly’s life and I don’t think even one person in my life knew exactly how bad things actually was for me in my mind.
I let some people know that I was struggling with Milly. Having no bond with the child you have brought into this world has to be one of the worst feelings I have ever felt. I didn’t even feel I deserved the title of mummy I honestly felt that everyone but especially Milly would be better of without me because I was just a burden on everyone.
But now things have changed after just under a year of Millys life we started to get a bond but it didn’t just come we had to work our arse off to get it but up until she was about 11 months old I wasn’t prepared to put the work in before that as I just wasn’t in the right frame of mind but now we are in a totally different situation we have the strongest most unbreakable bond you will probably ever see.
She is three now and she definitely her own little person with her own little mind no doubt about that 😂 she will soon be doing two afternoons a week at playgroup which I think will be extremely good for her development as she has come on so much during our holiday so I want that to continue as much as possible.
I think she had a good birthday, she didn’t get loads of presents from us but she has just come back from Disney World where she got shit loads so she is not short of much at the moment but she absolutly loved it and seeing her so happy made me and Lee super happy.
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So Milly’s birthday we kept pretty simple really she opened a few presents from us then we spent an hour or so with my mum, about an hour and a half with Nana (aka my Grandma) and then we had tea with lee’s mum so at least she got to see some of the family and then on Sunday we are having a family meal with everyone well not everyone but most of the family so that will hopefully be nice.
I know some people go all out for birthdays and maybe next year when she has been at playgroup for a year and has some little friends we will do her a “propper” party but at the moment family ones are just fine.
Lets see what the next year brings …..
I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas and Have a Happy new Year! I know its late but better late than never … right?
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Love to you all