One girls dream is another girls nightmare!

So tommorow is my very first time I will have tried on a wedding dress and I know some people have literally dreamed about this day since they was little… I was not one of those people.

I know people who have had there wedding planned out from the age of about five.. like had a folder and everything! And I guess they then just had to find the groom.. I don’t know but I am once again not one of those people.

I really want to be excited… I really do and I’m trying to tell myself you have never done it before, it’s a totally new experience so you will be anxious but hopefully it will be fun!

I keep saying this to myself but I just don’t believe it… I am literally dreading this experience and it makes me sad because it’s made me realise I don’t enjoy anything anymore.. I dread everything! This is supposed to be a happy time and just a time to have fun and basically play dress up like a little girl in an adults body but I don’t see it that way!

I look in the mirror or at a picture and physically feel sick I haven’t been able to work out after my surgery so that’s made things worse and although people have said I have lost weight I don’t see it and if I have it’s not good enough and this is just in normal clothes nevermind a fitted wedding dress I just can’t see how this is going to be a good hour and a half!!

The thing is I want a dress that I feel amazing in (I can’t see that happening so if it does it’s going to be a miracle) I want a dress that when Lee see’s me in it he just gets that Wow feeling! Like Wow she looks amazing I love her more than ever 🤣 and the way I look I just don’t see him getting that feeling!!

Like I literally spend most days looking like a homeless person! I am either in my Pjs with my hair a mess not even javing seen a brush or in leggings and an oversized hoodie with my hair in a ponytail. I hardly ever do my make up now because I just don’t care about myself enough to do it!

Poor Lee when he first met me my hair was perfect, I always tried to look nice, I was thin (even tho at the time I didn’t see that), I actually gave a shit about myself and people would say to him ” your punching above your weight there” which always makes me laugh because I always say to him “your really not you could do better” and that was when I gave a shit!

Now after over 4 years and a child later I’m pretty sure those people wouldn’t be saying that anymore! I’m sure in his eyes he has gone from marrying a princess to marrying the ugly sister in my eyes he has gone from marrying the ugly sister to marrying the toad!

Like we are slowly getting there with wedding planning we have a date and a venue (bonus) which will hold everything from the ceremony right through to the evening do so that’s good as it means we don’t have to mess around with cars etc!

We have ordered and sent invites, I have my first dress trying on session tomorrow, We have a taster session at the venue on the 28th of this month, we have a Dj that is included with the venue, I’m hoping Lee and his brothers are going to go look at suits at the end of either this month or next, we have a photographer booked, I have made enquiries about getting a cake made and I have been looking at ideas for flowers.

So I guess we aren’t doing too badly! I have an idea for a theme but that’s a secret although if you look on my pinterest you can probably work it out 🤣

I guess if I was one of them girls who had their entire weddin planned out it would be easier! But how many of those weddings actually go exactly to plan?

I don’t see the point in stuff like that because until I actually fell in love with I never even thought about marriage nevermind what my wedding was going to look like but that might just be me!

Who has had their wedding planned since they was 6? (Be honest)

So yeh tommorow at 1pm I will be at my first ever bridal dress appointment! Wish me luck! I will let you know how I get on at some point either tomorrow or Saturday so make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss it! 😘

Thanks for reading

Love to you all




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