My not so good Friday!

Tommorow will be the 3rd anniversary of my Grandad’s death and it honestly still feels like it happened yesterday!

Greif is a really weird emotion because although the three years have flown by the pain fells like it happened only yesterday!

I can remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when my mum and dad knocked on our front door on a week day when they are usually at work and they didn’t even have to speak I just knew I don’t know how I knew but I knew and I haven’t been the same since that day!

I emotions I felt that day haven’t become easier to deal with they have become stronger which I didn’t think was possible but apparently it is!

I think about my grandad every single day but everytime I do think about him I physically feel my broken heart break a little more, I can’t even tell you how much I miss him!

When I say my grandad was my universe I mean it nobody will ever be able to take that place! Lee and Milly are my world and the love I have for them is unconditional but the love I had for my grandad was something else!

You couldn’t have met a nicer person than my Grandad he would have done anything for anyone! I mean he was 80 when he died and there was over 250 people at his funeral that says it all!

I wish my Grandad could have been here for our wedding day because he loved Lee and he knew all along that he was a good guy and the last time we ever saw my Grandad he held Lee’s hand so tight and made him promise he would always look after me and not long after that he passed away!

I know I said above that I think about my grandad every day but I have had to start trying not to because everytime I do the pain just hurts too much so now I am having to try ignore the thoughts.

I recently found out my Grandma wasn’t with my Grandad when he died because nobody thought he was going to die that night so she went home and found out that he had died that morning. She told me the other day that if she would have known she would have bought him home!

People say that the funeral is the time to grieve and say goodbye and then you have to live life and remember the happy times. I don’t know anyone who actually loved a person that could just go back to living life after a funeral because it has been three years for me and I can’t even deal with normal life now!

I know I shouldn’t do this but when I see people or hear about people who just are horrible and do horrible things and I just think why did my Grandad who was an amazing man die and you still get to walk around on this earth!

Me and my grandad always had a special bond from me being a baby and that bond wasn’t broken until the day he died!

I honestly can’t believe it has been 3 years since his passing!

Thanks for reading! If you like what you have read click on the star but if you love it then why don’t you subscribe 😘

Love to you all

H

💋💋

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