Absolutely Nothing it was a pointless waste of time.
He kindly informed me that with BPD medication dosen’t really work as there is no magic pill (which I already knew) and that basically I just have to get on with the struggle and with age it will hopefully get better as I will come to terms with having the illness.
Which made me feel super optimistic about the future 🤔 (can you sence the sarcasm?)
He did mention about not being able to tolerate therapy but Lee put him straight with that one about how ill it made me.
My psychiatrist has obviously Never ever suffered with mental illness because all he knows is what the books tell him not the hell you actually have to go through on a daily basis.
He also informed me that there is more help available but only if I attempted suicide and failed would that be put in place and that there isn’t another appointment to see him until December (which I’m not that bothered about as I have my CPN)
Now that is where the system is wrong the waiting times are too long waiting 6 months to see a professional when you are struggling feels like a lifetime and that is why so many people attempt to or do commit suicide as they feel they can’t go on for that long without any support.
Then there is the extra support that you can only get access to if you attempt suicide and don’t succeed because if you succeed they don’t have to fund the extra help and if you don’t attempt suicide there is no funding for you to receive the extra help which is absolutely ridiculous but it is not the NHS’s fault there is just absolutely no funding for the mental health sector.
He continued to tell me that Borderline Personality Disorder is not as serious as bipolar or schizophrenia which when those illnesses are not medicated then yes I agree! but in my opinion as someone who suffers with BPD It’s a horrendous illness to have to live with not knowing how you are feeling from one moment to the next, feeling constantly suicidal, paranoid, having a fear of abandonment, angry, self harming, worthless and so much more and that is barely touching on what I go through basically on a daily basis.
I know it’s hard to understand when you don’t suffer but I don’t think you should ever compare one illness to another because it made me feel like the illness I struggle to battle with on a daily basis wasn’t a serious illness.
What makes it a serious illness? Surely if an Illness makes you want to kill yourself daily that is a serious illness. Am I right? Or wrong?
Basically I came out of that appointment feeling more shit than when I went in! Honestly that is literally the story of my life.
Then ontop of having BPD I have a severe anxiety disorder so that just makes everything so much more difficult, then there’s the body dysmorphia and the agoraphobia basically I’m just a walking disaster.
I also feel and I know Lee feels that basically because I have him it’s ok I don’t need added help but that’s not fair on Lee it shouldn’t be put on him like that.
I constantly feel like I put too much on him with my illness in the first place I don’t want others to put added pressure on him aswell because he dosen’t deserve that.
Lee pretty much used psychology on the psychiatrist. I was glad Lee was with me this time to have my back.
I think that’s all I have to tell you from today’s session. Let me know your thoughts.
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Love to you all