New Year! Same old me!

We are now 6 days into 2020 and everything is pretty much the same apart from Me and Lee are now married! That still feels weird to say especially when I say husband to people. I always giggle after for some reason and then for some reason I feel that I have to explain that we only got married a week ago. Why do I do this? I have absolutely no idea I just do.

So far I have changed my name on one thing , almost two when the car insurance changes it but I mean how many things do I need to change my name on. I’m definitely going to do my driving licence and passport next but i’m pretty sure that isn’t going to be cheap but I need to sort those ASAP especially my passport as my brother gets married in May abroad so that is a must! I only have one marriage certificate tho so I have to do one thing at a time. I will have to look into getting some copies if that is allowed so I can speed things up a little.

In four days we have Milly’s 4th Birthday. I can’t believe she is going to be 4 how and when did that happen? So Friday is her actual birthday and then Saturday we are throwing her a birthday party with her little friends but me being the useless mother I am left it so late to organise that I am absolutely paranoid that nobody is going to turn up. I would feel like the WORST parent in the world if that happened.

I literally only handed out invites to her playgroup friends today and her party is on Saturday I mean what kind of parent does that? most parents would have had those invites sent out before the kids broke up for Christmas but no not me I leave it until the last minute as always.

I was writing those invites last night and I felt completely useless. I just wanted to cry. Now i’m panicking because I want her to have an amazing party and I don’t even know what to do or where to start as she has only ever had family parties until this year so I just feel like there is so much pressure.

Then the Thursday after I have the hospital to find out what they plan to do with this tumour on my pituitary gland as it is giving me such bad headaches, affecting my vision and making me really weak so I just want to know what they plan to do to try and sort it or at least have some sort of plan. So it is just a lot to try and deal with and this is all within the first two weeks of the new year.

So i’m not holding out much hope for 2020 but I guess as long as nobody we know dies this year we may count it as a successful year but i’m not holding my breath.

Milly starts school in September and i’m dreading it not for her I think she will love it but for myself I dread having to wait in the playground for her to go in and come out because some teachers can be really awful and i’m not emotionally stable enough to deal with any judgement against me or Milly. I’m already anxious about it and it’s not for another 8 months but this is what mental illness does to you.

I really need to loose weight for my brother’s wedding as well because I refuse to be the fat sister as my sister in law’s family are slim and pretty and I can’t compete with that but I’m not going to be the fat one like always! I keep looking at our wedding photo’s and wish I had lost weight and had been able to work out if I hadn’t felt so unwell and these are not even the professional ones so I am so worried about seeing those as I just wanted to look amazing on my wedding day and I don’t think I did.

Don’t get me wrong my hair and make up was lovely but the rest of me just let the dress down. My dress was gorgeous I just wish I could have done it justice!

I haven’t set any resolutions for the past few years as I never stick to them and just feel like more of a failure than I already am so I don’t bother anymore.

I think that’s all for now. I will keep you update on the party planning and how the party goes. I’m now heading over to Pinterest to get some ideas of a party that I can’t recreate but in my mind it will look like it. 🤣🤣

Thanks for reading and don’t forget to subscribe to my little blog.

Love to you all and I wish you all the best for 2020!

H

💋💋

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